It's okay to not be okay.
My mind has been on overdrive the past few days. Monkey mind as the Buddhists call it, jumping from one thought to another to another. Ever experience that?
When my mind is wavering like this and I start having food cravings and then find myself going to bed ridiculously late for no good reason, I know this is a sign that something is brewing deep inside.
Despite this awareness, it is rarely crystal clear what is going on within. It feels unsettling, irritating and completely draining. And I have learned that this is okay.
Resistance to what is only makes it harder in the long run.
If we want to feel the uplifting emotions like joy, hope and awe, we also need to accept the heavier emotions that complete the full range of normal human emotions.
In the past, there were phases where this foggy state lasted for weeks or months, especially during my Mom's illness and the first year after she died. More recently, it's often a matter of hours or days until the mind and ego are tamed.
Progress, not perfection.
I have realised that, given some space, these emotions flow through or become lighter, and often culminate in a heightened level of self awareness or emotional healing.
So for now I go through the motions of what needs to be done today, enjoying some moments while struggling through many more. And as much as I accept the now as it is, I also try to redirect those self destructive habits into practices that serve this process better. Meditation, juicing, earlier bedtime (tomorrow...it is midnight as I write this😄).
I trust that at any moment my perspective could shift, putting the monkey mind down for a nap. Until the next time when I get the chance to practice again.
Can you relate?
Michelle Borner, a mom on 23 missions, blogs about her Deep Thoughts on a wide range of topics from parenting to conscious living to lessons from brain cancer.
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